I See You

I see you. You are strong and brave and doing so much to help others.

You spend all your waking hours helping others.

Are you altruistic?

If something goes wrong in your life, do you accept the help from others?

I see you.

You turn away those who wish to help because you are too busy looking to help others in order to alleviate your sorrow and frustration.

I see you.

Helping others is commendable.

But….

What if allowing others to help you is actually helping them?

I see you.

You say you have it all under control. Nobody has it under control.

I see you.

You don’t fool me.

Saving others only makes you whole when you allow them to save you in return.

Being helped only matters when you pass it onto someone else.

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Dinner

I intended to put couscous in it. Unfortunately the date on the box stated expiration date 2018.

Research told me it might still be good, but my nose smelled plastic.

So dinner is what it is and the couscous is adding to the variety in the compost.

I have an equal opportunity compost bin. It is quite diverse.

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Dear Friends/Followers

You may or may not have noticed that I have not posted anything on this blog for a very long time.

You may have wondered what in the World has happened to me.

I have continued my human activities to the best of my ability during a very strange time in history.

As a substitute teacher I experienced long periods of unemployment as schools closed. I also had many times when I was working more than usual because teachers were reluctant to return to the classroom. That gave me the chance to work daily when schools were open.

It has been a rollercoaster of a year and a half. I am certain most of you can agree that there were days when just getting out of bed and getting dressed felt like a major accomplishment.

Fortunately all the humans in my home, with the exception of me, were able to work throughout the craziness. They even had to carry “passports” at one point in case they were pulled over crossing the state line as we live in one state and they work in another. I simply stayed home.

The beast loved the constant companionship. He kept me physically active with at least 5 walks each day.

I did enjoy gardening and crafting. YouTube, Netflix and Amazon Prime (video not ordering) became my obsessions. Online coursework, especially mental health, helped me tremendously. I even started listening to podcasts on business and money management.

It was a great year for personal growth!

As a result of all my self reflection I have wandered down a different path. Instead of continuing to blog on this site, I have opened a business called Gardening on a Whim, LLC>

It is exciting and frightening in equal measures.

I have a new website and an Etsy shop. Neither is extremely successful, but I am continuing to learn and grow with time.

I invite you to check out my website, Gardening on a Whim. I really do miss having interactions with my readers. Seems very few of those who read my posts want to respond and I miss that.

I wish you all the best.

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The Great Forest Goblin Eviction During a Pandemic

I know it seems cruel to evict anyone during a pandemic. The truth is, that is the best time to do it.

Why? Because I am home alone most of the time and I have time on my hands. So why not evict the Goblins? They really are prickly creatures with no consideration for anyone else.

If Goblins are left alone for some time, which sadly they were in my forest, they will completely take over.

Just look at the following pictures. One can barely see the shed because the Goblins completely took over. Oh, and the shed is in shambles and I definitely blame the Goblins.

Some time ago I wrote about creating a Fairy Circle to ward off the Goblin Lord who moved in next to us. I can’t find that post to share, but some of you may remember it.

I am unable to find the Fairy Circle. The Goblins have taken over.

Goblins seem to have a real penchant for wrestling. They are always intertwined. They spread out and it is impossible to tell one from the others. The real trouble is they have really sharp nails and they scratch deep wounds in anyone who gets withing a foot of them.

They had to go. 

It’s not that I think Goblins are terrible. I know they must have a purpose. They told me they keep evil spirits away. They certainly block the house from the prying eyes of those walking on the road.  I can understand how some might think it unjust to evict them, however, they seem to scare away the gnomes and fairies and that simply is unacceptable.

I don’t have the picture of the shed in this, but I did manage to get rid of the goblins in this area.

Look, this tree has an interesting base. It looks perfect for a home.

I do hope someone peaceful and kind comes along.

Oh, wait, someone did move in.

He definitely seems to have made himself at home. Let’s be careful not to disturb him. It appears he is focusing on peace in the forest.

Namaste!

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What Is This Letter: I l?

In my title of my post I can tell the difference. I know the difference.

I don’t know that I would see the difference if I were reading a random post.

I shared something on my personal Facebook page regarding a sandwich that had, “bltch” written on it.

What is this letter? I l

Perspective is everything.

The sandwich was a bacon/lettuce/tomato with cheese.

Unfortunately I saw it as something offensive.

I wonder how often I am offended by things I shouldn’t find offensive.

I am bothered by how many things people are offended by that I don’t see as offensive.

Maybe we will be able to see people more clearly.

Let’s all try to really see the letters I and l.

I-i. l-L

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Reflection Reveals Recreating is Warranted

In the last few months my life has changed dramatically. I lost my paying job as many others have during this crazy time.

I spent hours each day doing absolutely nothing productive for about a month. Then I spent days at a time working on the landscape of my home. I learned I really like working outside and I could be proud as I saw many improvements I had been too busy or lazy to conquer before. It became a sense of pride. It was rewarding.

Then I had a moment of clarity when I remembered something Dr. Phil had said in an interview with an unemployed guest. He said something along the lines of, “Your job is to find a job. You need to spend 8 hours a day working on finding a job.”

I took this to heart.

No, I am not spending 8 hours a day looking for a job because the reality is there are no jobs to be found at this point.

What I am doing is spending as much time as I can diversifying my resume. Or at least, trying to diversify my resume.

I am fortunate enough to have a library system which provides free access to online courses. There are two types, Lynda Video Training and Gale Courses.

Lynda training is self-paced and allows me to explore anything without a structured time frame.

I started with computer programming because I really enjoyed my time learning about it when I was a long-term substitute in Middle School Computer class. I thought, “This is perfect. I will learn a skill and be able to have a career from the comforts of my own home.”

I was proud of myself as I downloaded the program and was able to follow along with the professor for approximately 45 minutes. Then something happened.

It was the same thing that happened when I took Trigonometry my freshman year of college. Three weeks into the course I stared at the professor and realized he was speaking a foreign language and I did not have a translator. I was so far behind and had no hope of catching up or passing. I dropped the class.

Reflection made me question – If I don’t find learning it enjoyable, how would I possibly enjoy doing it for a living?

Within an hour of staring at my computer I changed my “Path” to Graphic Design and I am so glad I did. I am learning so much and I have found myself sketching constantly.

Even better, I am dreaming big dreams.

Next week I will start three Gale courses which are time structured with actual assignments and feedback from the Professors. They are

Certified Mindfullness

Spanish in the Classroom

Writing for Children

I am looking forward to them and I definitely feel they fit my new focus on diversifying my resume.

Now, to the title of this post, “Reflection Reveals Recreating is Warranted.”

Three months. I have been home (literally) for three months with very little contact with others. My contacts include

The people and dog who live in my house – dog is the one I talk to the most.

People who text and my best friend who knows I hate talking on the phone but calls me for hours at a time. She’s lucky I love her.

The neighbors I like who happen to like yard work as much as I do.

Social media – does that really count?

With three months of being fairly alone with my thoughts, I have had a lot of time to reflect. Taking the courses and doing other research online covering all my various interests and desire to find a source of income, has given me plenty to reflect upon.

My conclusion is – I have not posted anything on this blog for a very long time. I haven’t even looked at it because in some strange way it had become a chore.

Maybe obligation with no real direction is a better way of referring to it.

Now, I realize the blog was all about me trying to make a name for myself without really being true to myself. It was all hide in the shadows of what I want to say but am afraid to say. It didn’t have substance.

So, I am recreating the Creation of myself. I am creating something more authentic.

Don’t you think the World needs more of that at this time?

I am going to post things that I am doing, trying, hoping to do. They will most likely all revolve around fairies, gardening, writing and most importantly dreaming of a brighter world and future.

So, I hope you are able to join me on my adventures to be a better, more authentic person and that you will enjoy the ride.

If not, I wish you peace on your own journey.

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Smaller Is Better

The beast is often a bundle of joy and we are all very grateful to have him in our lives. He warms our feet, cleans our dishes, alerts us when someone is at the door and when the squirrels have moved in the trees. Yeah, we don’t always need to know when the squirrels move through the trees but he sure thinks we do.

I have only ever owned two beasts in my life and I have been very fortunate that, though they tend to weigh more than they should, they have not had many health issues. I have been fortunate.

This morning, as I walked the beast for what feels like the hundredth time over the last week, something unusual happened. That which left his body was not fecal matter. It was pure blood.

Now I am not usually bothered by the bright red liquid. I have raised children who seem to have a fondness of leaking blood on a regular basis. I also work in a school and hand out bandages at least once a week. Blood does not bother me. Blood coming out in place of feces however, yeah it was not a good morning.

So, I did what any good woman on her last day of vacation would do. I texted the human, “The beast just **** blood.”

Human: “***”

Me: “Should I call the vet?”

Human: “Yes, ***.”

You see, it’s that time of year when the money doesn’t seem to be flowing into the bank account and the idea of going to a vet is not just adding stress because we worry about the beast, it’s the thought of how much it will cost.

We used to go to a big chain pet store and saw the vet inside. We used to pay around $400 to $500 just to be on their plan. We paid more when the pets actually went to the vet. We used to do that until one year when they tried to take money out of my account without my permission. Now we go elsewhere.

Our new place is incredible because of things I expected from my children’s pediatrician’s office but never got in the old place.

  1. Same people at the front desk every time we go.
  2. Same doctor every time we go.
  3. Someone who gives the beast treats and talks to him as though he was the best and only pup in the world.
  4. A doctor who goes above and beyond and treats me as if I am quite adequate as a parent.

The best thing about this visit?

Knowing (or at least being reasonably sure) the problem is not catastrophic and is easily treated with medicine and it cost less than $100 for the visit and the medicine.

I am so glad I have a small town veterinarian now because it is true, smaller is better.

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Ode to the Code

Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?

The programmer didn’t know the code.

Don’t ask me why someone thought it would be a good idea for me to teach coding to students. I mean, really I know nothing about coding.

Well, that’s not quite true.

I now know a lot more about it than I did six months ago. I mean A LOT MORE.

When I was in high school I took a statistics class for the first semester because I was told we would have computer classes during the last semester. Yeah, well, I work in the school system and I know all about broken promises. That might be why  I don’t make any promises – see my previous post. 

Yeah, no computers = no classes = I know a LOT about statistics and not much about computers.

It was nice to know statistics when I studied Psychology in college, but it hasn’t helped my own offspring who seem to not like statistics. I kept telling them I could help, but you know how kids are, they don’t want Mom’s help.

Moms, on the other hand, have no trouble asking kids for help – especially when it comes to computers. Usually my offspring have been monumentally helpful when it came to anything technological. When it came to teaching code – yeah, not so much.

I have figured out how to get the chicken to cross the road. It’s simple: chicken.x = chicken.x+1. Of course that’s assuming the road is to the right of the chicken and I have somehow managed to create a chicken sprite and a background with a road,…

I can draw with pencil much better than I can with code. I have had a pencil in my hand since I had a hand. At least it feels that way.

I do have a point to this post I promise. I can make the chicken cross the road, it’s getting it to stop when it gets to the other side that baffled me.

So, yes, I spent an entire day relearning all the lessons I have worked on for a month. Guess what? I still can’t get the frog to jumping stop when the key is not pressed, but I can get the chicken to stop, that is assuming I can draw the chicken in the first place.

 

I just love chicken, especially the Buffalo wing variety. Blue cheese anyone?

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Promises Are Empty

I am not making New Year’s Resolutions because that would just be making a promise to myself that I am going to make some change or do something amazing and the reality is very few people really stick with their resolutions.

When my children were little they would often say, “Do you promise?” and I would always say, “I don’t make promises.”

Every time my child cried because someone promised them they would do something and didn’t, I would think promises are empty. Promising that we will take the time to do something with a child and then not doing it is destructive. It breaks the trust between the child and the adult. It not only leads to disappointment, it leads to a lack of faith in anything.

My children learned that I did not make promises, but I often said I would try or I hoped we could do something.

My children are grown now.

They know I don’t make promises but they also know I can guarantee them one thing.

I will love them always no matter what. I will love my children.

They have tested this as all children do but they know my love is always there. No promises needed.

I will not make New Year’s Resolutions. I will not make promises. I will take each day as it comes and fill it with love.

Happy New Year!

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What’s In a Book?

When you spend an entire day walking, cooking, eating and never putting the book down, you know there’s something amazing about it.

When you read the last word and hold it to your heart because you are sad to let it go, you know it’s a keeper.

I held the book as one of the characters, Charlie, once held a box.

What’s in a book? If it’s well written, there is much more than a story.

I highly recommend this.

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