I have not written anything for a week. Have you noticed? If you noticed, did you wonder why?
There are three main reasons.
1. Technological Difficulties
2. Too Much Information is Overwhelming
3. Difficulty Letting Go and Incredible Sadness Saying Goodbye
Because of these reasons, we had a little therapeutic internal dialogue. We agreed that I would take a position as quiet back seat passenger instead of being a back seat driver. I would not express myself for one week and she would be able to get the three situations under control.
Let us explain.
If you read my “About” page: https://thecreationofmaneetrautz.wordpress.com/about/,
you will understand that I, Manee Trautz, am a free spirit and only a spirit. I am simply a unique personality within the whole of “the creator”. You can read about her in https://thecreationofmaneetrautz.wordpress.com/2015/03/23/19/
The creator is a human being with a body, mind, family and responsibilities. Though I would love to be all there is, and she would love for me to be more than I am at this point in time, she has had a bit of a tough week.
It really all started about a month ago when she accidentally spilled something on her computer. Her computer is something she loves because it holds all her thoughts, pictures, and important documents. It was a very frightening experience. What if the computer, like three previous computers, stopped working and she lost our book a fourth time? That simply would not be acceptable.
So last weekend, with the guidance of someone more technologically intellectual than either of us, who happened to want her “at risk” computer for his own use, we went to the computer store to find a replacement.
Fortunately our friend knew exactly what we would need and found the perfect fit. It truly is a magnificent thing with the capability of tackling anything we could imagine. Unfortunately it was not in stock at that particular store. We would have to go to another store in Wilmington, Delaware in order to get it that day.
If you follow the news you might know that Beau Biden’s funeral was in Wilmington, Delaware last weekend. You might know that President Obama gave the eulogy. You might even know that an entire section of Wilmington was closed and traffic would be diverted around it. I don’t know about you, but there is no way we could have handled finding the store to get a computer.
Instead we ordered it to be delivered. This meant days of waiting and dreaming.
When the computer arrived we found there was no CD Disc drive. We had to go out to buy an external one. That was a new challenge. However, we managed.
Now, because we are not computer experts, there was a new challenge. Programs had to be loaded, files had to be transferred, many passwords had to be created. She felt as misdirected as our dear gnome friend who had tried to drill for water from the septic tank.
Fortunately newer models of electronics seem to be much easier than older versions. When she connected her phone to the new computer she was able to transfer the pictures in the same way the experts do when people buy new phones. It was extremely satisfying.
In the past she would have had to email herself pictures from her phone in order for me to be able to add the photos in my posts. It was doable, yet very time consuming. We are both extremely grateful for new technology!
Please understand that getting the computer fully functioning so I could take over as the blogger I was intended to be has taken the entirety of this past week. I have patiently sat back watching her accomplish all the things she never thought she could. I am proud of what she had managed to learn. We are going to do great things together!
Too Much Information is Overwhelming
Last Saturday Linda Hill’s prompt, http://lindaghill.com/2015/06/06/socs-info-overload/, was information. The creator spent a lot of time thinking about reports she was reading on the Internet and seeing on the television. She had wanted me to focus on this during my stream of consciousness post, yet we both agreed that most of what she was thinking would not be appropriate for me to write.
My purpose is to write to inspire, not to criticize people in the media. The truth as we see it is that there is too much focus on what celebrities think about certain topics. We don’t look to celebrities to tell us how to dress, vote, or judge others. We strive to gather the facts and spend time reflecting on our own interpretations of the data we collected. The world looks vastly different from each person’s individual perspective because we all have unique experiences that alter the reality of what is in front of us.
There was another problem involving too much information last week. As I spent much time trying to keep up with all the other bloggers I follow, I still went out with the creator to move some rock. In the rain!
We cannot forget that rock. If you don’t know about the rock and the flamingos, there are two previous posts:
Last Friday I had left the computer for a mere hour and returned to find 19 new blog posts from bloggers I follow. Each of them contained more than a thousand words, some with as many as 4,000 words. I know that in order to really relay information many words are often necessary. However, 30,000 words are a lot of words to read and digest.
The creator felt anxiety. There were so many things she felt that she was neglecting. She had missed things she very much loved doing because she simply forgot what day it was. She felt there was no way she could read all those posts. She was suffering from severe information overload.
We turned off the computer. We simply said we would put it on the back burner to simmer. The information would still be there when we once again joined as one. It is still there now, and I will be able to catch up on my favorite bloggers.
On a side note, there are some bloggers I really like. I have not forgotten them this week. I have still sent out thoughts of peace for Joey, Josh, Anxious Mom, Deborah, Fairy Queen, Linda, Mik, Ohio Gardener, Yada… and others as I thought of them. Just because people are sometimes busy with their own lives does not mean they don’t think about others.
The best way we found to alleviate information overload was to avoid information. Instead the creator moved rock. The weather was beautiful most of the week. Yes it was 96 degrees, but a little heat never hurt her. She loves to sweat. It was as if all the unwanted information was draining out her pores!
A funny thing happened while she was moving the rock. On one trip to the pile she noticed one of the flamingos edging closer to the lawn mower.
She warned him. “Remember the last time one of you was close to the lawn mower?”
The next time she walked back to the pile she noticed he had recruited helpers. Those flamingos really are trying to earn their keep.
Now there were four of them. We pointed out that there was a start button they did not have covered. They needed to understand that if they started it, they would have to be careful.
Strange things were indeed in the works around the lawn mower.
While she was out back, spreading the gravel and walking across the hillside so the gravel would be strong enough to hold her weight, she heard a strange sound out front. “What was that noise?” she asked me.
“Sounded like a lawn mower.” I replied.
The noise stopped almost as quickly as it had started. The creator ran to the front of the house.
Indeed, it seems the lawn mower startled the flamingos as much as it had the creator for they were no longer near the machine.
Well, at least they learned their lesson!
Difficulty Letting Go and Incredible Sadness Saying Goodbye
Did you know that before creating me, Manee Trautz, the creator worked with children? She has worked with numerous groups of children. One in particular she has known since they began kindergarten. The dynamics of the group has changed over the years. Some have left and new children arrived. The students grew and changed over time. Their friendships have changed. Still, she knew many of them and really tried to her best by them.
As time passed she would remark with surprise when she’d see them behind the wheel of a car. Even more delightful and surprising was when they were behind the counter working at the many places she frequented. They were growing quickly and taking on impressive responsibilities. She loved having conversations with them everywhere they met.
This week that group of students walked across a stage and received their high school diplomas. This week she watched them walk away knowing that for many that would be the last time she would ever see them.
She will try to hold onto them in her memory. She hopes they remember her.
Throughout the week she has spent a lot of time reflecting on the many ways she tried to be a good influence in their lives. Her philosophy was always to encourage them to find their own voice, their own direction. It was never her intention to push them in any particular direction. It was always her intention to do the best for them in order for them to one day walk out of her life and to live rewarding and satisfying lives of their own.
That was always the intention. However, when the time came (after 13 years) for them to actually move on, she wondered. “Did I do enough? Was what I did the right thing? Did I make a difference in their lives?”
Mostly she just wondered if they would remember her. Would they miss her as much as she would certainly miss them? We may never know.
All we can hope is that many of them will choose to remain living in the area. Maybe she will have a chance to watch as they find their own careers and raise their own families. Maybe she will get to know their families. She can only hope.
I hope you now understand why I had to take a position as a quiet back sear passenger this week.
Now that the technology is updated, information has been processed, and goodbyes have been said, I am back in the blogging community. I hope to be as successful within this community as the creator was working with those students.
Did you miss me?